After having a dream, I wonder if I am now an experiment for the light to see how the dark reacts? Am I dark because I love God? I know contrast becomes true due to light, yet what truth be given is what is justified for any boycott? Maybe it is my curse to be dark with knowledge of light, because I am a sun conjunct Neptune (12/27/1986; 3:30 pm EST) and really wish to leave, really wish to have a skill to be self sufficient in my life. Yet, my pisces always makes me look back. I know God will not help me, it would justify a dark plan to create a 4th dimensional realm where all are taken cared of and will never leave or ascend higher (In other words the 4th dimension becomes a trap, not a solvency.) ... It is time for me and my soul to move on in a slow and degrading way to a family and parents that loved me; yet I failed to launch, I failed to have relationships because of liars all over the place. I failed because my vision became tainted by a dark and distracting action. The masons and Illuminati created the 4th dimension using the United States as away to hone the ego of Earth and tame it. A diagnostic tool as you will.
I want to become a positive person, yet debt...banks.... mass marketers....too many of them for me to make a judgement (dark) about what I really want to do in life. I looked outside of myself and shame is my reward. My ego needs to be medically extracted. Is there a soul doctor that can do that for me? I really wished the truth came out before novelty became, yet many do not like me because of what I am' a false prophet of fear masked as love. A fear of doing anything because commerse and the world of counting has drawn me in too much. I wish I had friends that like the truth of the matter on this planet. Maybe, those who tried to rescue it were, in the least, just another pawn that General God used to try to free our souls. To test the dark.
If you wish to contact me before I become broke and destitute, loosing all of my things and knowledge of banking (I would really wish to use that instrument for a perfect binary...yet it is shallow for feelings is it not?) it is my wish that all the people go forth and feel good about themselves. To have adventures that I wished I could have. I had mine, I had a tool of bravery among me; yet lost a blessing from the weakness planted by those who wanted to recover as many souls as possible for the dark. Yes, I really want to work and hope that much work and more becomes available to those who have what skills that everyone seems to know of...a way to communicate except for a person like me. Maybe I am autistic, too left brained.... In fact, my left side of my body sometimes goes though micro-seizures. So as you can see, I am not that much of a healthy guy; just tainted by a form of darkness informing me of what my priorities really are. I wish I was a better person and knew what work was and when... maybe God can only trust those who are ignorant enough from the dark in order to ascend? Well, my journey into the true darkness of myself is going to begin; I hope that I can move beyond my self-pity and go back home with my body and not eat fake cake my father makes me in my dreams. [Yes, I consider this realm real and wish it be deemed so; may be my heart will fail because of such ideas, such love to be with God and the realms of 3rd dimension in a way to provide the highest degree of service.] I love earth and I wish I made better life choices with the circumstances that I exist in.
Maybe these thoughts do not matter because I am going to die in the streets with them always looking for work to do that I might not be "qualified" for. A person not brave enough to take on more debt in order to fight the cabal; as if braveness really depended on taking on more funny money. I wish I did not complain so much with that in the past; however, there always was a hackneyed idea with me and that is my creativity with thoughts that I really do not wish to express; why maybe it was not my thought or a telepathy from another to help me. Yet, how can I patent that? How can I work with that? How can I do anything that would be worth a dam with that without paying taxes and supporting the war machine that the dark ones wished upon the world? It is hard to do being an American. Too much knowledge of English and not of any other language. Maybe I am not allowed to leave the hell hole? Or take my power back, because doing so would cause fear in others and I really do not want the karma of that. Does it exist? Must it exist? Do I really care? Should I care? Maybe people's idle hands are worth working to death or loving without any idle time. As idleness is itself necessary for the dark to succeed only the light will be exhausted forever for the darkness' void is too vast to fill. Maybe the light will meet another kind of idea that would work just as good as love or light? Maybe my soul's passing will bring comfort to others? Maybe, as a question, is not the ego or person the enlightened ones would want to meet?
I was addicted to video games, and that addiction has thrown my future away with the passing of Pisces. I could not hold my content, as everyone was trying to strive for their soul's enlightenment without the work involved. Me, I just wanted to play, be a child a little bit longer. Work was that a word to advertise for another thing (darkness/dark forces?) A thing of usury in a professional manner.
My fear is related to how others perceive me, and that itself is my curse. My curse evolved of on how wrong the world is, and that is our fear. O, what dreams really do come. O, what dreams really do leave behind the ego and all that is left is light without a willful mind in me. If I had a wish in my life to become before I die; it would be to have a heart and mind with the green energy of will and the peak-ness of God's existence.
With love of life itself and hindered by the times;
tonyotag
PS Maybe they are trying to kill me as if there were killing the complainers?
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